On Radio Silence

On Radio Silence

I've taken an unintended, and exceptionally long break from writing on my blog, or updating my business Facebook page, The Rad Bitch Girl Gang, and from coaching in general for pretty much the entirety of this year so far.

To be perfectly honest, part of that is procrastination, and another part of that is fear of not knowing how to put my thoughts into words that really make sense. But the biggest part of why, is that I've needed the space to process, to reflect, to heal and to learn.

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On Things to Do When You're Feeling Just A Little Bit Shit

On Things to Do When You're Feeling Just A Little Bit Shit

So on the back of the icky and stressful feeling week, I decided to share some of the things I like to do to boost my mood and make myself feel like a bit more of a Rad Bitch. Some of these are big things, and some of them are quick and easy wins, because let's face it, when we're feeling a just a little bit shitty is not always the time when we're at our most patient - well I'm certainly not anyway!

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On Letting Go of Fear: Dead Weight and Pink Balloons

On Letting Go of Fear: Dead Weight and Pink Balloons

And as the conference started to loom closer, I could feel myself starting to slip back into some of those old patterns - although thankfully, I've kept to my limit of two coffees a day, and I haven't taken up smoking again.

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On Being An Upstander and Why it Matters.

On Being An Upstander and Why it Matters.

I honestly hadn't realised how much I'd accepted people throwing negative comments at me until someone stepped in and made it absolutely clear how NOT ok it was.

I hadn't realised how much it meant to me that other people didn't care enough to say anything until somebody did.

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On Perfect Imperfectionism

10390355_10153003845691013_1764185762239940673_n Over in my Facebook Group, 'The Rad Bitch Girl Gang' I make a point of hosting "Self Care Sundays". Basically, each week I highlight something small that I've done, or plan on doing during the day to make myself happy, and encourage others to do the same. Some weeks I'll catch up with a friend for a coffee and a chat, others I'll put on fresh pyjamas and read all day.

This morning I participated in a Practicum Class with my Coaching Peers as part of our assessment towards our certification. Today I was coached by the lovely Theresa Burke, while our classmates were able to listen in, and provide us with feedback at the end of our session, and it was such a wonderful way to start the day.

You see, I haven't been feeling the best of late, so I've been holding back and hiding from the world a little.

Holding back from blogging as much as I would like.

Holding back from recording videos.

Holding back from creating a podcast series of interviews with some seriously amazing Rad Bitches (Super exciting!!).

Holding back from writing newsletters.

Holding back from making myself available to ACTUALLY COACH!!!

While I haven't been feeling so great lately - and I'm talking 'Randomly bursting into tears and telling Jordan that "I'm really sad right now!" in the middle of the supermarket' levels of not so great - I'd been waiting until I felt as though I'd at least learned something worth sharing - or had found my way out from this little patch I'm experiencing, to write about it or share.

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This morning Theresa helped me to see that a big part of what I write about, share, and encourage others to get comfortable with, is IMPERFECTION. I was really quite shocked to realise that as comfortable as I am with BEING imperfect, I wanted to be able to write about it perfectly - and with hindsight. We then identified some practical action steps that I could start taking today in order to start building my confidence around showing up in the world NOW.

After our session ended, we received some really amazing feedback - not only for Theresa's coaching skills, but also in regards to what I'd shared. It turns out that some of our peers have been dealing with similar feelings of insecurity and fears around putting themselves out there - and that some had been looking to me as somebody who's confident, and who is definitely "showing up", so they gained a lot from hearing what I had to share. Now it's kind of like, "Duh, of course, Kym! Teach by doing. Lead by example. You know this!" and it seems obvious.

My confidence is not innate. With every post, interview, or photo on Instagram, I have to make a conscious decision to put myself out there in that way - and sometimes that's easier than others. Being confident in who I am, and what I know, is something I'm constantly learning - and I know that I'm not alone in this.

I think that what struck me most today (as it often does), is that sometimes during sessions when I'm being coached, I'll find myself relearning things that I already know - or even more poignantly, that sometimes I really need to hear the same messages I'm sharing with my clients. To show up and be seen, or to let people know when things aren't ok and allow myself to admit when I'm struggling is important, because here's the thing, NONE OF US ARE FUCKING PERFECT, and sometimes other people need to see that in us, too.

So, if you I'd like you to consider this a reminder that Rad Bitches have shitty days sometimes, and if that's where you find yourself right now, then it's totally ok. Sometimes it's better to accept that this is where we're at right now, and spend some time getting to know what we actually need - rather than trying to force things to be "better".

xx

Kym

PS: I finally finished Amy Poehler's book, 'Yes Please' and I totally recommend it if you're feeling a little "bleurgh" (or if you're feeling amazing), could use a little reassurance that you're exactly where you need to be, or just want to giggle.

On Boundaries as Self Respect

IMG_3299 Whether or not it's because of Mercury Retrograde, a cold and grey summer, or just the "Back to Work" Blues, I have noticed a definite energetic slump across the internet - and within my friendship circles over the last month. Being someone who's particularly sensitive to these things - and someone who has experienced both depression and anxiety at different times through my life - I haven't been immune to this funky little period that many of us seem to be coming out on the other side of.

First of all, let's take a moment for a collective deep breath, a sigh of relief and appreciation for any lessons or gains since the start of the year.

I think it's really important for us to acknowledge and learn to recognise that sometimes we do all need some time out, to step back, reflect, recover, recoup or do whatever it is that you actually need right now.

The Sassy Ms. Honey B and I snuggled up with a cup of Hot 'Buttered' Rum on a cool evening

Obviously, as much as we may love to be able to hit the pause button on life occasionally, and take a break where we just don't need to adult for a while, the world keeps turning and we still have certain responsibilities to take care of, and expectations which need to be met.

Sometimes that might mean that we strip everything back to the absolute bare minimum, and only do the things which are truly essential (like eating) before crawling back into a quilt cocoon and cuddling up with the cats. I have definitely had my share of days like this over the last month. I have been making a point of spending my days off reading and writing in my pyjamas, and trying to allow space.

All of this said, January and early February have still been quite big months for me in terms of social events, with Baby Showers, 30th Birthday Parties, Reunions and Catch Up's out the wazoo - the biggest of which being my Lil Sis's Bridal Shower.

So, how does a sensitive introvert like me not only show up and deal with, but actually enjoy getting put and being social during a time when I'd really love to be tucked up at home?

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To start with, I ask myself, "Why am I going to this event (or doing this thing)?" If I'm thinking about going along, purely out of obligation and the world isn't going to stop turning if I'm not there, then I scrap my plans.

Another way of looking at this, is to check in with your gut reaction to how you feel about being at an event? Then in the words of Mark Manson, if your response isn't "Fuck yes!", then it's a, "No."

For me, the event's I've been to over recent weeks - especially my Lil Sis's Bridal Shower, have been ones which I know that I'll enjoy, and that I'll be truly shitty at myself if I miss out on them. I've also gotten to a point now, where people really only invite me to events if they genuinely want me to be there, and that my attendance will be appreciated, which makes showing up way more fun.

Something else that I've been practicing over the past month, has been to take time out DURING events. Back in the day, I used to just punch through and hop from party, to party, back to back, and stay out until the first train home in the morning, or just end up crashing on a couch somewhere I didn't want to be - either because the cab fare home was too high - or because cab drivers wouldn't go as far out into the bush as the parties I went to, or I had just had way too much to drink to be going anywhere.

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For my Lil Sis's Bridal Shower, her Bridesmaids had planned a MASSIVE day, starting with a champagne breakfast, followed by barefoot Lawn Bowls then a few hours of shenanigans, before dinner with cocktails, THEN dancing and drinking late into the night.

Considering that my sister lives interstate, and that many of her friends live in the outer suburbs, I definitely got lucky with the venues being within a ten minute drive from the Kitteh Palace. This meant that I was able to come home and take some time out after we'd finished with lawn bowls, and then go back out and meet the party again for dinner.

When he realised that I'd come home, Jordan assumed that it was because I wasn't having fun, however this wasn't the case. I had actually been having a great time, but I know myself well enough now to know where my limits are. By taking a break (and having a snack before going back out), I was able to really enjoy the rest of the night without feeling tired or getting cranky that the food took ages to come out.

Another thing I've learned over the years, is to leave while the party is still fun! While there's a lot to be said for those times when time gets away from you because you've found yourself engrossed in a conversation with someone you can truly relate to, then suddenly realising that you've been talking for four hours, when it comes to nights out I've become a big fan of recognising - and paying attention to when it's time to leave.

These days, I'm all for embracing the latter part of the saying, "GO HARD, OR GO HOME".